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  1. #1

    Default What is wrong with parents?

    So to make a long story short, a bunch of highschool kids, some of them children of friends, have been sneaking out drinking and doing drugs. A few of the parents know, and one told us about it, their kids were involved. I spoke with the parent of one of the other kids, not to get them in trouble mind you, but for a safety reason. Every couple years we end up with a dead kid because of this, and I just hate to see it once again. Now I'm the bad guy, I don't really care but the wife does. Now if my kids were out doing stuff (that we've all probably done) and someone knew and didn't tell me i would be pretty upset, in fact the angry parent has a kid the same age as me, and I wonder if I should continue letting them hang out together. I just don't understand the head in the sand, don't upset the herd mentallity. What say you

  2. #2
    FEP Super Member xctasy's Avatar
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    If its a safety issue, nark.

    Its better to have a busted letter box than dead kds. My African friends have a saying...bringing up the kids is a village responsibility!

    My north African friends have an old proverb, and that is

    "Is it good to let your sons to have so much freedom that they drill holes in your ship? No, it takes out the whole ship."

    You just can't kick 'em up the butt with your size 11, and make 'em paint the fence pailings like they used ta...especially with the mass stupification that non perscrition drugs and drink provide to the pack.

    That makes them push the safety envelope. Down here, its like San Francsico, and people Hill Bomb on wake boards, and do stupid 11 pm death rides. They do it more with Dutch Courage and other assorted Rx "recipe's". I've gone off the deap end to ensure 18 year olds wake boarding don't end up attending a wake in a coffin.

    So you keep your hand in the lives of kids who are punking out, and if its safety, its safety. Don't need to over think it.

    Like turbochaging, a bad hit from boosting agents comes at a very cheap price these days. Add that to the widness of youth, and you have a bad cocktail. Elevate it back to just protecting and surving on "your patch".

  3. #3
    FEP Super Member mmb617's Avatar
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    Parenting is a tough job that gets harder all the time. Our son is 26 so we're past the stage you're talking about, but I do remember his school days.

    When you say drinking and doing drugs that covers a pretty wide spectrum. If it were just sneaking a few beers and maybe a little weed I wouldn't be real upset. I know I did that way back when and I think I turned out fine. It's a little different these days as there are much more dangerous drugs being used a lot of times. Not to say that as a parent you should condone any illegal behavior from your kids, just that there are degrees of seriousness.

    I don't know if I'd say something to another kids parents unless I had solid proof, and knew the parents well. If you don't really know the other parents it might be better to just prohibit your kid from hanging with the offenders. Good luck with that however as you can't monitor his activity 24/7.

    Some parents are going to be upset if they think you are accusing their kid of something because they think their kid is an angel and you must be wrong. That's why I say that if I knew the parents well I'd give them a heads up but if not I'd keep my mouth shut and do my best to simply protect my own kid. You don't want his peers to see your kid as a narc.
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  4. #4

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    I say call the police. Even if it's supposedly "harmless", it is still illegal, and they really shouldn't be doing it. The parents of some of these "angels" are going to get a rude awakening when their kids are caught red handed. If any of them are innocent, the cops won't do anything to them. If they deserve a minor consumption or possession charge, well now that's different!
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  5. #5
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    Keep the police out of it,that will be a can of worms you dont want to open .
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  6. #6
    FEP Power Member STL79Coupe's Avatar
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    If they're eating tide pods just get your kids away from that stupidty. Seriously I was a good kid but I partied a lot and I monitor my kids very close. My 18 year old son has joined the Army national guard and is into racing his 84GT so he doesn't have money to buy beer or drugs. My 15 year old daughter is really against drugs etc. I'm just worried she might meet the wrong boy and get caught in that crapshoot. It all comes down to who you let your kids asscoiate with and how they were raised. It only takes one bad kid to spoil a lot of lives.
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  7. #7

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    you guys from small communities will get this, you remember the crack heads when you were young, well they have most likely reproduced by now and shared their views with their spawn. Also in a small community the jocks don't just hang with the jocks, and theater nerds and so forth they all hang together and it only takes a bit of poison to really make a mess. I drank some beer, I smoked weed a couple times till i realized it didn't suit me. Our cops are pulling heroine out of our schools, clear down to the middle school. It just makes me sad. Most of these kids are 14 to 18, but our friend also has a 5yr old that likes my 5 yr old.

  8. #8
    FEP Supporter svo84's Avatar
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    STAND YOUR GROUND! This whole drug epidemic has affected a lot more people then in the news if you have stopped the death of one child it worked. I am 51 and I have a 18 year old and a 24 year old. watching them like a Hawk you still cannot control there every move. My Son 18 is in college going for forensic science. My Daughter 24 is a recovering Heroin addict. I am raising my granddaughter age 2 because of this. most of us have done a thing or to but never to this extreme. It sucks when you don't sleep at night because your waiting for a call from Police or the Coroner. she is in recovery once again hopefully She will get her life together. But Yes you did the right thing. sorry for the depressing post. hoping one day I will have time to finish my GT But my prioitys are to my Granddaughter.

  9. #9

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    You are not the bad guy for taking action. You should be angry at the parents that know this is happening and just ignore it.
    These are the people that have to "get even" for something that never happened but has to be your fault because you said something once. Set the example and call the police on their little criminal and show them its not tolerated.
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  10. #10

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    Svo, im sorry for your situation, i have a cousin living in dayton, oh the epicenter of the opiod epidemic, and she may not be able to win this battle. Despite all of the family she has trying to help. Like I stated originally I'm not trying to start a war. It just a slippery slope, we may all tread. I don't really need to be at the popular kids table now, I used to get up and move from it back then. I'm sure there will be a payback of some sort, give it to me I can take it, but leave my kids out of it. They need not pay for my "sins". I am pretty black and white, i really try to be consistent, I don't care if it was the garbage mans kid or the pta kid
    Last edited by 2nd chance cobra; 02-13-2018 at 07:26 PM.

  11. #11

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    Why not an anonymous tip?
    Brad

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  12. #12
    FEP Supporter svo84's Avatar
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    Thank you. That's fine to do also. I could post stuff I have gone to do but they would probably kick me off. I have been warned by Authorities to check my self.The hatred I have for people dealing dope to kids is overwhelming. Again don't mean to rant. Cobra I hope your family is strong enough to deal with this disease. That's what they call it now.
    Last edited by svo84; 02-13-2018 at 08:09 PM.

  13. #13
    FEP Senior Member dagenham's Avatar
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    That's the part that makes me mad. Now they call it a "disease"! BULL! That's a political excuse to make taxpayers pay for narcan six times on the same person and get insurance companies to raise their rates and pay for rehab treatment.
    Sorry. I'm done ranting now. Back to the original thread now

  14. #14
    Venomous Moderator Hissing Cobra's Avatar
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    I grew up with an alcoholic mother who divorced my father when I was 11. My 13 year old sister started smoking cigarettes and morphed into weed. She then went to live with my father and began drinking as well. After 3 years of non-stop trouble, she ran away from my father's house to live on her own at 16. In the meantime, I continued to live with my mean, abusive, alcoholic mother until I couldn't take it anymore and moved in with my uncle when I was 17. My twin brother then went to live with his friend's parents, leaving my younger brother at home with our drunk mother. We would never live under the same roof ever again. During this time, I didn't see my sister for over a year and one day she came home looking ragged, tired, and needy. She was with a couple of scumbag looking dudes and I knew she wasn't on the right road. Fast forward many years and I'm now 33 years old with a wife, two daughters, and a house to pay for. I come home from work and get a phone call that my sister's dead. She had overdosed on Heroin and at the age of 35 was gone forever.

    Because of this, I have a ZERO TOLERANCE policy for drugs and alcohol abuse. Sure, I like to drink beer but I don't drink every day and can go for weeks without it. I also stay away from the "hard stuff." When I do drink I like to keep it under control but every now and then I'll let loose so long as it's not going to get me in trouble. My wife is on the same page as me in this regard and we've raised our two daughters this way as well. We've talked numerous times of how drugs and alcohol can lead to trouble or even death and even though we've preached this their whole lives, it doesn't mean that we didn't have any issues.

    My older daughter, who's now 22, gave us a run for our money in high school as she began hanging around other girls who were "out of control". We caught her smoking Pot when she came home reeking of it. That was STRIKE 1 and I took her cell phone for 2 weeks as punishment. STRIKE 2 was when she lied to us and went to a party instead of sleeping over her friend's house (we went by the friend's house to see if her car was there). For punishment on that one, I took all the spark plug wires off of her car, disconnected the battery, and hid the wires for 2 weeks. I then told her that if STRIKE 3 were to happen, she was going to be moving out. I warned her that I had been down these roads with both my mother and my sister and that I would not be going down that road with her. I let her know that I loved her and would help her with anything that would move her life forward but that I would not be a participant or enable her in things that would diminish her future. We never got to strike 3 because she stopped hanging around with those girls (who've continued to have problems in their lives since then). She graduated high school in the top 10 academically, received $80,000 worth of college scholarships, attended Bryant University for 4 years and graduated last May with a degree in Marketing with a Minor in Communications. She is now attending U-Mass Dartmouth to take the 5 remaining classes that she needs to graduate this May with a 2nd degree, this time in Accounting. She'll start her first "real" job this coming June as she's already gotten an offer that she's accepted with Ernst & Young out of Providence, Rhode Island. She's well on her way and I hope she doesn't get derailed.

    Our younger daughter is 19 and we had our first "issue" with her last summer in regards to this same stuff. Her and her boyfriend of 2 years were planning on going to a party where they would be sleeping over and my wife and I gave them the ok because there was going to be some adults present as well (parents of some of the kids). We thought we had nothing to worry about but we were WRONG! Two hours after they left. we heard a loud bang at the front door. We open it up to see him carrying my daughter over his shoulder. She was well beyond the drunk stage and her eyes were rolling into the back of her head. Immediately we took her to the hospital where the staff ran all sorts of tests. She had alcohol poisoning and had to stay in the hospital all night. Apparently, she had been taking numerous shots of straight Vodka and it must have been massive amounts of it to be that drunk in 2 hours. Of course, this sent me off the deep end! My wife was crying, and I was pissed beyond belief. When she was allowed to leave, she came home and went to sleep. When she awoke, we had "the conversation." I told her that I wasn't allowing her to get to STRIKE 3 like her sister and that if it happened again, she'd be looking for a new place to live. She's been fine ever since and is in her second year of college. She just made the Dean's list, works 2 jobs, and continues to date the same boy. She's well on her way to becoming a Biology Teacher. I hope she doesn't get derailed either!

    I thank my lucky stars that we've weathered the storm but it's never over. Why? Because it's a business! As long as there's money to be made with drug sales (both illegal and legal), there will be a buyer. Education, punishment, and holding people accountable for their actions has got to be done on a daily basis and no matter how painful, you cannot allow yourself to become a participant to these transgressions.

    I can't say for sure if you were right or wrong by saying something to the parents of one of the kids but what's done is done. You can't worry about it now. Limit your children's activities with those other kids and worry about what happens in your house. At the end of the day, your family is more important than anyone else's.
    Last edited by Hissing Cobra; 02-14-2018 at 02:05 PM.
    Pete

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  15. #15
    FEP Supporter svo84's Avatar
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    Pete, Sorry for the loss of your sister. Glad to hear things worked out for with your girls. Its not an easy job being a parent and they will not know until its there turn to be one them selves.

  16. #16
    Venomous Moderator Hissing Cobra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by svo84 View Post
    Pete, Sorry for the loss of your sister. Glad to hear things worked out for with your girls. Its not an easy job being a parent and they will not know until its there turn to be one them selves.
    Thanks. I really appreciate it. Somehow both of my brother's and I have been able to create stabile environments for our own kids and families so far. I just hope it lasts. I have no idea of how the three of us did it while growing up in the most volatile, dysfunctional, Jerry Springer type household environment that one can live in.

    Drugs are the scourge of society and if the government won't stop it at the borders, it's up to us to police our own children, educate them on the dangers, and punish them when things begin to go awry. Hopefully those things will work for future generations.

    I really wish you luck with your daughter. I really hope that she can see that living life and being on this earth every day is more important than the alternative. Be there for her and be strong.
    Last edited by Hissing Cobra; 02-14-2018 at 04:41 PM.
    Pete

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  17. #17

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    I started smoking cigs when I was 14. Definitely the wrong crowd, hanging out with people 10 years older then me. For me it was a wake up call. Seeing all these 24-25 year old kids with no job, no future and no place to stay always fighting with parents steered me away from everything. I partied pretty hard till I was about 16. Now all of those friends are in jail, dead from a drug overdose but a few rebuilt their lives and got better.
    .in my opinion, about the time they turn 16-18, they will have enough freedom to do whatever they want, if you want them to or not.

    If they are bear that age, there's not much you can do if they are he'll bent on ignoring you. You need to talk to your kids and explain why you dont want them hanging out with them and what might happen.

    When I was on high school a joint would throw you in juvie for 6 months to a year. Now its the same as a traffic ticket and rarely effects anyone for a period of time. Not saying its okay, I experimented and decided drugs weren't for me. By the time I turned 16, I was working on fixing my life, got away from drugs and drinking and started working. A lot of that had to do with my cars and hobbies I enjoyed with my dad.

    I did drop out of school, but I did eventually get my ged and straighten up right.
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  18. #18
    FEP Power Member BLK BRD 88's Avatar
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    6:00 AM Monday we got the call from my wife's ex husband. Her younger daughter, 37 years old, was in the emergency room from a barbituate, opioid, methamphetamine, overdose and a nearly fatal dose of Ibogaine.

    Two months ago she asked our opinion on this Ibogaine, (a supposed quick cure for a 20+ year opiate, amphetamine, Zanex, addiction). After researching it online we emphatically said it's not even close to being worth the risk. With no research or knowledge of the substance her dad gave her the money to purchase some.

    This past Friday evening, she, her older sister, and their boyfriends decided to "party hardy" one more time before the youngest and her boyfriend took the Ibogaine.
    Neither of them are out of the woods yet. My wife is now absent on Valentine's Day, sitting at her bedside.........hoping.

    The girls started buying blackmarket pain killers at 13 & 15 years old respectively. They were on Zanax, Oxycodone, and meth within two years. Neither of them has ever smoked a joint or had more than an occasional alcoholic drink.
    These two girls have been junkies since they were little girls! This is almost unimaginable for someone of my generation.
    Start honest discussions and strict, (but loving), rule setting very early. By puberty they are majorly under the influences of their peers, not their parents.
    Closely monitor friends, associates, cel-phones, and computer use while they are still young adolescents or you may lose them as my wife and her enabling ex-husband and millions of other parents have.

    OK, I will step down from my pulpit for now.
    Ron
    Last edited by BLK BRD 88; 02-14-2018 at 04:06 PM.
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  19. #19
    FEP Supporter svo84's Avatar
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    The story's are similar for a small group of guys this shows you how bad it is. My wife and I have put her in multiple rehabs and forget about the money. she stole from us and my son. We would go away in the begin of this whole problem and not know my daughter and her friend would be robbing my home.We love her endlessly and did not enable her. but out side influence from other family members said we where bad parents. Some time you have to let them fall or hit bottom. It's a challenge to deal with this addiction and keep a family unit together. I wish the best of luck to all. Brings tears to my eyes to hear the story's similar to mine.be strong for yourselves and your family's

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